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TDS, February 11, 2015
Jordan Klepper looks at the issue of sex education in schools
In San Francisco last year, a man stabbed a woman in the face and arm after she didn’t respond positively to his sexually harassing her on the street.
In Bradenton, Fla., a man shot a high school senior to death after she and her friends refused to perform oral sex at his request.
In Chicago, a scared 15-year-old was hit by a car and died after she tried escaping from harassers on a bus.
Again, in Chicago, a man grabbed a 19-year-old walking on a public thoroughfare, pulled her onto a gangway and assaulted her.
In Savannah, Georgia, a woman was walking alone at night and three men approached her. She ignored them, but they pushed her to the ground and sexually assaulted her.
In Manhattan, a 29-year-old pregnant woman was killed when men catcalling from a van drove onto the sidewalk and hit her and her friend.
Last week, a runner in California — a woman — was stopped and asked, by a strange man in a car, if she wanted a ride. When she declined he ran her over twice.
FUCK YOU if you think that street harassment is a “compliment” or “no big deal” or that it’s “irrational” of us to be afraid because “what’s actually gonna happen.” Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you some more.
8 Things Happy Couples Don’t Do
Sometimes, building a solid healthy relationship isn’t just about what partners do, but what they don’t do.
Here are 8 things that you won’t find in the habits of happy couples.
Discourage each other.
Two people who love and care for each other would never attempt to discourage their partner or hold them back in life. They encourage and support each other when it comes to chasing after goals and dreams.
Holding someone else back while in a relationship will only lead to resentment in the long run – ironically, loosening your grip often keeps someone closer.
Play mind games.
Even something as simple as “how long do I wait before I call?” goes out the window when you’re with the right person who is mature and understands you. Call when you want to call, text when you want to text. There will be no games or manipulation when building a solid foundation for a relationship.
Doubt each others feelings.
In a happy relationship, both partners know how much they mean to each other. Open communication and affection are important to minimizing insecurities and doubts.
Stop trying.
You know you’ve found a quality partner when they keep showing you how much you mean to them…long after they’ve got you.
Brush issues under the rug.
No relationship is sunshine and rainbows all the time, but the challenges you face together are what make you stronger, both as individuals and as a couple. No problem can be extinguished unless it is faced, and couples who care for each other will be mature enough to have mature discussions and reach a conclusion.
When feelings are hidden, the other partner won’t know what they need to do or change in order to keep the other happy, so nothing will improve.
Snoop around.
One of the key ingredients to a happy relationship is trust, and people who trust each other don’t invade each others’ privacy by snooping around. There should be no need for a password protected phone or deleting your Facebook chat history. Trusting couples should be open books to one another and will have no use for being sneaky.
Dig up the past.
We all have a past that has shaped us into who we are today. Some experiences for better, and others for worse. Happy, mature couples understand that about each other and don’t use each others’ pasts as ammunition in arguments or to start issues.
Let things get stale.
Both inside and outside of the bedroom, it’s important that neither partner gets bored or feels as though things are getting stale. Often times intimacy in the bedroom is actually built outside of it through romantic gestures, showing of appreciation and affection, and always letting your partner know how much they mean to you.
Happiness in relationships is built on communication, trust, loyalty, and mutual respect. These are some of the cornerstones of love – without one, the other cannot exist.
Source: James Michael Sama
It will take just 37 seconds to read this and change your thinking..Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room’s only window.The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end.
They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation..
Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.
Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.
Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind’s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days, weeks and months passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.
She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.
He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.
She said, ‘Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.’
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.
Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can’t buy.
‘Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present .’STOP SCROLLING AND READ THIS
My eye is leaking.
A boy sprawled next to me on the bus, elbows out, knee pointing sharp into my thigh.
He frowned at me when I uncrossed my legs, unfolded my hands
and splayed out like boys are taught to: all big, loose limbs.
I made sure to jab him in the side with my pretty little sharp purse.
At first he opened his mouth like I expected him to, but instead of speaking up he sat there, quiet, and took it for the whole bus ride.
Like a girl.Once, a boy said my anger was cute, and he laughed,
and I remember thinking that I should sit there and take it,
because it isn’t ladylike to cause a scene and girls aren’t supposed to raise their voices.
But then he laughed again and all I saw
was my pretty little sharp nails digging into his cheek
before drawing back and making a horribly unladylike fist.
(my teacher informed me later that there is no ladylike way of making a fist.)When we were both in the principal’s office twenty minutes later
him with a bloody mouth and cheek, me with skinned knuckles,
I tried to explain in words that I didn’t have yet
that I was tired of having my emotions not taken seriously
just because I’m a girl.Girls are taught: be small, so boys can be big.
Don’t take up any more space than absolutely necessary.
Be small and smooth with soft edges
and hold in the howling when they touch you and it hurts:
the sandpaper scrape of their body hair that we would be shamed for having,
the greedy hands that press too hard and too often take without asking permission.Girls are taught: be quiet and unimposing and oh so small
when they heckle you with their big voices from the window of a car,
because it’s rude to scream curse words back at them, and they’d just laugh anyway.
We’re taught to pin on smiles for the boys who jeer at us on the street
who see us as convenient bodies instead of people.Girls are taught: hush, be hairless and small and soft,
so we sit there and take it and hold in the howling,
pretend to be obedient lapdogs instead of the wolves we are.
We pin pretty little sharp smiles on our faces instead of opening our mouths,
because if we do we get accused of silly women emotions
blowing everything out of proportion with our PMS, we get
condescending pet names and not-so-discreet eyerolls.Once, I got told I punched like a girl.
I told him, Good. I hope my pretty little sharp rings leave scars.
‘My Perfume Doubles As Mace,’ theappleppielifestyle. (via queenofeden)
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This is why I love Stephen Colbert. Because he told the ENTIRE story.
If the full moon loves you, why worry about the stars?
Take A Risk
A few weeks ago I had an extremely difficult conversation. One I've been anticipating for about 8 years. Yet, through the many physical and emotional obstacles experienced during the few hours the conversation lasted, I managed to get all my points across. Days after the conversation, The Great Debaters mantra came to mind.
Henry Lowe: Who is the judge? James Farmer Jr.: The judge is God. Henry Lowe: And why is he God? James Farmer Jr.: Because, he decides who wins or loses, not my opponent. Henry Lowe: And who is your opponent? James Farmer Jr.: He doesn't exist. Henry Lowe: And why doesn't he exist? James Farmer Jr.: Because, he is a dissenting voice to the truth I speak.
I may have unknowingly internalized that concept, because I initiated the conversation without fear, despite having much reason for it. I was well aware of how ugly it could get, considering how ugly it got the last time I tried to have it. Yet, this time things were different. I was 100% sure I was speaking the truth, I knew I was standing up for something important.
After much rumination over the details exchanged, my mind started to wander and focus on the future. I began to wonder where I will be in 20 years if I live my life like I did that one moment. Determined to publicize the truth, free of fear, and prepared to fight if it came to it. It got messy but everything that needed to be said was said, and despite the tears blurring my vision, and the milliseconds spent gasping for air mid-cry, I was able to say what I needed to say, clear enough to be understood. I took a huge risk, and things turned out alright.
I should have taken that risk a long time ago.
I'll Win The War
I constantly feel like I'm in a battle. A battle for my most basic rights, and those of the people around me. Often times when I hear stories of relationship problems, or the bad decisions women make concerning men I'm quick to respond. Almost immediately I'm enraged, disgusted, and ready to deliver a passionate speech about women's rights and self worth. I forget to have compassion for what these women are feeling, and for the past struggles they've endured, that for them rationalizes their current state. I forget the first step I should ever take should be a step back, to gain perspective and understanding. I am no veteran in the field of relationships, not even close. In fact I'm guilty of committing quite a few mistakes myself. But I've had plenty of examples of what a healthy relationship is not, and I've learned from them. I've been exposed to men who have a deep seeded belief that women are inferior to them. That women have certain household responsibilities that must be taken care of at all times, even if their dreams have to take a back seat, even if they work full time and put in just as much, if not more money into building a life for their family.
I grew up believing my role as a female is to play host when my parents are entertaining guests. I was supposed to help clean the house, serve drinks, put coats in the bedroom...my brother wasn't told to do the same, at least not to the same extent. When my dad came home from work, I served him a plate of food, rice on one end, beans off to the side (never on top of the rice) and the meat on the remaining side. I also had to give him a cold beverage of his choice, with a napkin of course. When he was done I took everything the to the kitchen. I'm surprised I wasn't asked to feed it to him. It took a few years for me to start saying no. But not much has changed, the behavior has been tweaked but the belief is still the same. Men don't do, and aren't supposed to do the dirty work.
Last time I strongly and loudly expressed my disgust for that belief I was 14 years old. I held nothing back, you see I have my father's temper. I got smacked across the face so hard my glasses hit the ground several feet away. It didn't take long for me to realize I wasn't the crazy one, I wasn't the irrational one. My ideas and beliefs were founded on a very simple concept, that of self worth.
Since then my actions have been more subtle and unfortunately more sympathetic. That has been my biggest mistake. And seeing the women I love, both family and friends, being manipulated into doing certain things to avoid the arguing, the yelling, the nonsense has made that very clear. See, I try to keep the peace, I see the stress the women around me are drowning in, and I don't want to make things worse. I don't want to rock the boat, instead I want to mediate all problems, I want to distract. However, that doesn't, and hasn't solved the problem. I run around trying to get people to understand our actions are enabling the bad behavior we hate so much. A close friend of mine told me people don't change without consequences for their actions. So I've made it a point to be very clear about what I dislike, and what I won't stand for.
I probably won't win the battle at home, at least not in the entirety that I dream of. However, the inequality will stop with me. I will not be taken advantage of, and if I ever have daughters I'll make sure to teach them there's a higher standard they ought to live up to. People ought to be appreciated for their hard work, they ought to be thanked for all they do. There's nothing wrong with choosing your battles for the greater good, or with tolerating things here and there. But there's a limit. Being strong doesn't have to mean putting aside your self-worth.
A Life About [FILL IN THE BLANK]
I spent the afternoon of New Year's Eve in a movie theater watching The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. The concept of day dreaming peaked my interest. Often I spend my day replaying situations in my head, usually altering my actions in the hopes of producing a better outcome. An outcome I'm more tolerable of, or comfortable with. If I'm not day dreaming I'm organizing, constantly making lists, writing myself notes, creating calendar events on my Gmail account. It all comes together in a big strategy for distraction. I don't distract myself purposefully, in fact I usually see it as a method to move forward, when in reality I'm just maintaining the status quo. At times I believe the best way to get out of my routine is to do something spectacular, out of character, and to do it suddenly. However, after watching this movie I'm toying with the idea that maybe my exit strategy doesn't have to be so drastic. Maybe I just need to live with purpose. What ever I decide to do, I should do it because I want to, because it serves a purpose, not because it will make a good story. Why travel the world if all it means to you is a check mark on a to do list?
So that's what 2014 will be about, my journey to purpose.