Take A Risk

A few weeks ago I had an extremely difficult conversation. One I've been anticipating for about 8 years. Yet, through the many physical and emotional obstacles experienced during the few hours the conversation lasted, I managed to get all my points across. Days after the conversation, The Great Debaters mantra came to mind.

Henry Lowe: Who is the judge? James Farmer Jr.: The judge is God. Henry Lowe: And why is he God? James Farmer Jr.: Because, he decides who wins or loses, not my opponent. Henry Lowe: And who is your opponent? James Farmer Jr.: He doesn't exist. Henry Lowe: And why doesn't he exist? James Farmer Jr.: Because, he is a dissenting voice to the truth I speak.

I may have unknowingly internalized that concept, because I initiated the conversation without fear, despite having much reason for it. I was well aware of how ugly it could get, considering how ugly it got the last time I tried to have it. Yet, this time things were different. I was 100% sure I was speaking the truth, I knew I was standing up for something important.

After much rumination over the details exchanged, my mind started to wander and focus on the future. I began to wonder where I will be in 20 years if I live my life like I did that one moment. Determined to publicize the truth, free of fear, and prepared to fight if it came to it. It got messy but everything that needed to be said was said, and despite the tears blurring my vision, and the milliseconds spent gasping for air mid-cry, I was able to say what I needed to say, clear enough to be  understood. I took a huge risk, and things turned out alright.

I should have taken that risk a long time ago.