CatFish

As I watched Catfish today, I couldn't help but feel incredibly frustrated, all these situations are so messed up. For those of you that don't know, Catfish is a show that helps individuals uncover the truth about their online relationships.

Today's episode was about Antwane and his boyfriend of 3 years, Tony. Antwane had only spoken to Tony over the phone. He'd never met him, saw a picture, or video chatted with him. Antwane also didn't have a cellphone number where he could reach Tony. Instead Tony would call him from a private number whenever he wanted to talk. Despite only having a voice and kind words to hold onto, Antwane felt he was in love and completely trusted in Tony.

Unfortunately, this reminds me of relationships my girlfriends have been in, or are currently in. Where the effort, appreciation and respect if completely one-sided. Those on the outside can see how toxic the relationship is, but the person in it is totally blinded by their emotions. I think we need to set higher standards for ourselves when in relationships, whether they are romantic or not. And I say that fully aware that this issue is much bigger than not having high enough standards. It's a self esteem issue, it's a bullying issue, it's several things. Everyone has a variety of experiences that shape the choices they make today. But I think there has to come a time when we ask ourselves what is unacceptable, what do we want, and what do we deserve.

Antwane wanted and deserved more than just a voice after 3 years.Yet, he let his feelings convince him that this was good enough.

I think it's easy to feel afraid of losing someone if you make demands, especially if it's the best you've had to date. But when deciding who you'll keep by your side, you shouldn't make a comparison. It should be absolute, it shouldn't be based on your past, what you think is available, or what others tell you is available. Either this person meets your standards of what would make you happy or they don't. Of course you won't find a perfect match, but if you're truly honest with yourself I bet you'll be able to tell whether or not this person's company makes you happy.

I've had friends ask me "what if this is the best I'll ever get?" What if it is? You rather be with someone who plants negativity and cruelty in your life every chance they get, than be single? Are the 2 minutes of love and affection you'll get once a month worth it?

The answer is no. No company is better than bad company.