The Vampire Diaries & Love

For the past two weeks I've been watching seasons 1 through 4 of The Vampire Diaries. I've been trying to catch up before the second half of season 5 airs. In the finale of season 4 (spoiler alert) Elena confessed her love for Damon, she said: "Fine, then I’m not sorry either. I’m not sorry that I met you. I’m not sorry that knowing you has made me question everything, that in death you’re the one that made me feel most alive. You’ve been a terrible person, you’ve made all the wrong choices, and of all the choices that I’ve made this will prove to be the worst one. But I am not sorry that I’m in love with you. I love you, Damon. I love y…."

As I watched this scene I couldn't help but think, that kind of love is toxic and unhealthy. Yet, there was something alluring about it, it was passionate. It made me think, maybe an all-consuming passion is what makes love true, makes it real. After all someone could have all the traits you've been looking for but be missing that special something that makes it all *click*.

I've experienced that kind of obsession. Every action, every moment, every thought was manufactured around one person. Every decision I made somehow included him. And regardless of being shut down continuously, I still kept going. In fact, the rejection was my fuel. I kept thinking, if I just change this one thing, if I do this just a bit differently I'll catch his attention, and the chemistry will magically appear. And it took a pretty serious event, on both occasions, to snap me out of it. To make me realize that wasn't me, that mentality wasn't healthy. I would have done, or overlooked, quite a lot to get the reciprocation I was looking for. But I knew if the roles were reversed, if a friend was behaving like me I'd be furious. I'd tell her to stop wasting her time. No relationship should be this one sided. So again I ask, is that all-consuming passion the special ingredient that makes love true? Because if it is I don't want it.

Love shouldn't be based on how strongly you hold on to someone who keeps pushing you away, or keeps enabling your bad behavior. It shouldn't be a roller coaster of self inflicted lows and empty highs. Life has enough surprises, shouldn't the person you choose to stand by your side, BE on your side?