Study to be quiet

When I talk, usually things don’t go well for me.

I’ve realized that I’m often “thrown under the bus”, humiliated, or insulted by the people I consider are closest to me (friends/family). I try in a very respectful way, to tell them how I feel, and that they need to stop. Yet, they have the nerve to tell me it’s not a big deal, or they assume I’m playing around and continue to “joke” around. I then start to explain myself, thinking I probably wasn’t clear enough and that almost always ends up in a huge argument (curses and all) or more humiliation for me. I just don’t get why people rather continue hurting others rather than admit they may have done something wrong. I mean at least stop for a second and consider it. Sometimes it feels like people purposely try to twist what I say in order to make me look bad/disrespectful. Which I wouldn’t mind if it happened once in a blue moon, but it happens often.

Obviously if this happens often enough, some of it must be my fault. I know when that’s the case but when I’m the one being insulted it’s definitely not my fault.

Other times I’m asked for my opinion on something, and then when I don’t give the “right” response I get yelled at. If you don’t genuinely want my opinion on something please don’t ask me. I’m not just going to say you’re right because you want me to. Also don’t try to brain wash me until I agree with you. If I wasn’t on your side when you first told me the situation I’m not going to be after you feed me your lies…pyscho.

I think my worst experience was defending someone (verbally) who had been quite upset, then having that same person yell at me because I defended them. SERIOUSLY? I mean sure after a while it may have gotten out of hand but not even a thank you? What sucks is that I was seeing this person hurt for a while and finally got the guts to stand up for them and BAM, within minutes I’m the bad guy. I even thought it out really hard before I acted. I was calm and collected, chose my words carefully and still got nothing. Never doing that again.

I’ve realized it’s better to be quiet. When I first meet people I’m quiet, even when I’m in a large crowd I tend to play invisible. I guess this is why I’ve always had one or two people I always hung out with. It minimizes the chances of getting screwed over. Of course after a while I get comfortable and talk (more than necessary at times), but I always feel awkward. Like I’m never saying the right thing. Sometimes I say something which I think is appropriate, then I revise it in my head. I change a few words, tweak the tone and then wish I could just replace the phrases. It works in writing. Now if I’m only I could do that in real life.