Gaslighting

“Gas-lighting is a form of mental abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory, perception and sanity. Instances may range simply from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.”

Recently I’ve been bombarded with examples of gas-lighting on a daily basis, and it’s really getting under my skin. I have witnessed the behavior of men who are INFAMOUS for gas lighting, lying, and manipulating their partners into forgiveness, forgetfulness, or taking on each single responsibility of the household/relationship under the pretense that THEY [the men] are working too hard to be bothered, or have in some indirect way done their part to deserve rest.

I have seen each one of my 3 sisters, my mother and quite a few friends become victims of the psychological bull these kind of men like to pull. These men like to live under the male chauvinist impression that women ought to do 90% of the work, yet have very little, if any, power.

It makes my blood boil to see hard working, intelligent, kind women bend over backwards for a man that has absolutely no respect/consideration for them, and only has the ability to talk a good game. A game good enough to make their wives/girlfriends feel like they are the CRAZY ones, like they are overreacting, or misinterpreting the situation. These men like to make women feel like there’s something of value there, like there’s a possibility of change, or even a smidgen of guilt on their part, or quite simply they just aren’t doing anything wrong. I call BULL SHIT!

If any of those things were remotely true there wouldn’t be an unbalance of power and respect. At the very least they would understand how cynical they are, and wouldn’t deny, deceive, and plot to take full advantage of a woman they supposedly love. Women need to wake UP! If you’re part of their sick game, then you need to hit reset and get the hell out.

I’m only 22 years old, and I haven’t been in many relationships so no I don’t know first hand what it feels like to get so deep into such a toxic relationship. But I have spent the last 22 years seeing what men like this can do to a woman, to a family. I have seen how they rationalize things, I have seen what 25 years of this crap can do to someone.

So what I can tell you is, it doesn’t get better, they don’t change, and their children follow in their footsteps. Not only that but the behaviors are contagious, and soon enough you’ll notice little boys rising like a damn army against you. You’ll notice your own light dimming, and whatever you consider to be fighting back is only adding to the problem. Your entire way of rationalizing things gets unraveled. 

I can’t choose my family, I have to deal with their personalities and fucked up point of views. But I’ll be damned if I CHOOSE to be in, or stay in, a relationship with someone like that.

It is not just, sensible, nor rational for a woman to go through her life trying to make something of her self, trying to build herself up, to then marry a man that will stop at nothing to bring her down to her knees.

We were born to be better than that.