Not Quite Regret

I haven’t been able to shake this feeling that I lost something. The opportunity to quench a thirst, more than anything else. On the one hand I’m perfectly content where I am now, and if that particular situation was how it used to be I wouldn’t even consider this, much less act on it. Yet, I can’t help wondering how this all came to be. How it just went over my head and why I didn’t work out the way I once hoped it would.

Even if I somehow would’ve known this was a possibility a year ago, I don’t think it would have motivated me to do more or amp up my efforts to reach the goal. In fact I probably would have just let it go. So really I have no reason to be feel the way I feel. I suppose it’s a hint of envy, and the thought that something was inherently wrong on my end, even though I know that’s not the case.

The consideration and courtesy put into the situation also doesn’t help, because it just makes me feel guilty for feeling all these things, when I should just be content. I also don’t want my current situation to be hindered at all because I’m beyond lucky to be where I am right now. It’s just I tend to form strong attachments that tend to linger even after my reason for holding on has disappeared…

Then again it’s fairly normal to hold on to something after you’ve invested so much energy into it. Right?