Next Step

The older I get the more I learn about my peers getting married, or having children and it terrifies me. I have no intention of taking either of those steps any time soon. My next big step is getting a full time job that relates to my degree, and getting my own place. The thought that someone my age has found someone they feel comfortable spending the rest of their life with is INSANE. If they live until they’re 80 that’s 60 years with the same person. Sixty years is a very long time. And hey if that works for you than kudos, I congratulate you, but that’s just not OK for me. Then there are the peers that are having children….I can barely take care of myself. I can’t imagine having to care for another human being, and thinking about their education, the neighborhood I’ll raise them in, their physical well being etc…

Again I’m not judging those that have taken these steps. Different decisions are right for people at different stages in their lives. It’s just I can’t help but think I’m somehow behind now. I’ve always thought I’d establish my career first, then get married, then have children. Partly because of the media and because I’ve been told that’s how you do things. But mostly because my ultimate goal is to be financially independent. And now it seems like I have it backwards. After reading up on the best time range to have children (so as to decrease risks of physical/mental problems), and mapping out how long it will take to actually establish my career it seems impossible. I can’t do both without overlapping them or drastically hindering one or the other.

And THAT is like a slap to the face. I turned 21 and all of a sudden I realize that my general outline for life doesn’t make any sense, and the clock IS actually ticking.

I understand there are different paths to the same end, but still can’t help but second guess myself now.