New

I can’t remember how it felt before I gave it all up. Did I just walk around like I was missing something? Was I less aware of myself and those around me? Was I less confident…

I was trying to remember a time when being this sporadic wasn’t normal. When my default answer was no, and you had to meet certain standards to get the go ahead. Unfortunately, all those memories have escaped me. It’s pretty sad when you realize others have held strong and have been able to tell the difference between something that’s temporary and the real deal.

No I feel somewhat tainted, like everyone can tell. Like being classy is just something I can’t quite reach anymore. I know it’s silly to think of it that way, but I can’t shake the feeling that a part of me has changed drastically.