Defense

There is very little a man can do to make me feel comfortable when he approaches me. It doesn’t matter how sweet he looks, or if he’s simply commenting on the weather. If I don’t know him, and he approaches me a red flag will immediately go up. I’ll hold on to my purse tighter, I’ll do my best to look as disinterested/occupied as possible. And I will quickly scope out my surroundings for the best exit. It’s just my default reaction…

It’s really unfortunate, I know not every guy is a creeper, or trying to hit on me. However, my grandmother raised me to believe that a man, will always be a man. In other words, easily tempted. It doesn’t matter if he’s family or not, you can never be too careful. Even when I’m dancing with my uncles I make sure to take note of where their hands are, how intoxicated they are, how close we are…I’m super aware of where our bodies are in relation to each other. Even when my guy friends hug me or kiss me on the cheek, I pay attention to how they touch me and for how long, it’s second nature, I just can’t help it. Sure it sounds like I’m being anal but I’m confident most women do this, at least to a certain extent.

Two days ago I was waiting for my train and a 40 something year old guy started talking to me about the A train and it’s crazy schedule. Which wasn’t too creepy, but then he started asking me about my personal life (school, work, interests) as he talked about his own life. I lied as much as I could and then felt ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE! Here I have this nice man just looking for some conversation and I’m judging him thinking he’s either a thief, pervert, or creeper. I was having this whole epiphany on how I need to stop expecting the worse from men and how I should shake this bad habit and then…he gave me his business card, and suggested I call him so we could hang out you know as friends, and watch a movie. Really? You’re twice my age, yes I’d love to be friends with you strange man I just met, that’s not weird at all…-_-

Instantly I was reminded why I’m so defensive around men… because they pull stupid crap like that. So no offense to the nice guys that truly want to just kill some time and have an innocent conversation, but if you randomly approach me I will label you a creeper by default. You’re then welcome to try and change that, although it might take more effort than you’re willing to put in. It’s nothing personal, I’m just trying to protect myself….