Not Putting in the Effort

I often feel like I’m not doing what I should be doing to be beautiful. I’m not eating the right things, I’m not taking care of my skin the way I should. I’m not working out, or buying the right clothes or products, and I’m definitely not putting in enough time to doll myself up in the morning.

So every now and then I turn over a new leaf. I go to a Duane Reade and shop for new products, then give myself a spa day. I make sure every part of my body is taken care of. Then I set an agenda that I’ll supposedly follow from that moment on…it never sticks past a week.

All that happens is I get this haunting feeling that I’m not as feminine as I should be and that after 20 years of living I still haven’t figured out how to take care of myself. But then there are days like these when I realize none of the material things I yearn for matter. Days when I put minimal effort into my appearance and I feel absolutely gorgeous. Days when I’m wearing a t-shirt and men’s basketball shorts and I still feel stunning.

I still want to be better at taking care of myself. But it’s nice to know that I am beautiful without makeup, without fashion sense, and without thinking about my appearance every minute of the day.

Feeling beautiful.