Care Free...yea right.

For some time now I’ve had a desire to be reckless. To go against everything I’ve been raised to believe. I’m expected to behave a certain way, because I’ve been taught to do so and because it’s the right thing to do. But if the people who are requiring this of me are far from perfect why should I meet their expectations?

Recently I’ve convinced myself that it’s time to have some reckless fun. No more considering consequences, or other people’s emotions. Nope, it’s time to do a little living. I put all emotions aside. I was blunt and confident. Whatever I wanted I asked for and got. There was no time for drama or shame. Everything was simple and to the point.

Then I found a flaw in what I thought was a fool proof plan. I am and unfortunately will always be an analytical person. So it was just a matter of time before I started looking into things a bit more critically. I started asking myself questions and wondering what my morals are and where I left my dignity. Turns out I’m not quite loving this plan anymore. I clearly have no clue of what I’m feeling or want. Part of this is due to mother nature and her cruel monthly tricks. But most of it is due to my selfish desire to have it all!

Unfortunately, I can’t pin point what all is. I am however very good at pointing out what it’s not. And that does NOTHING for me. So here I am just floating about once again, bitter and annoyed that nothing is going my way. When I know for a fact that if I just got out of my OWN way and calmed down then I could make some progress.

Leave it to me to force things to happen and then complain about the outcome.

What am I…15?