Aimless

Not knowing where I’m headed has stripped me of all motivation. I’m just doing things to get by. I have no desire to internalize any of this information, or to attempt to excel. I have let myself get side tracked by nonsense and by stupidity. I’m doing things that make me question by morals and confidence. I’m really just out of it.

I am making an effort in other parts of my life, yet despite my hard work something always comes up to set me back.

I’m not sure if this semester is meant to be a soul searching one for me. But I clearly don’t know what I’m doing with myself. I find myself looking for my passion while others are perfecting their craft, developing new skills, and essentially moving up in the world. The material things that I’ve been thinking about are looking pretty useless right about now. The idea of getting a place of my own and possibly getting out of the city seem so distant. I’m really worried. I’m concerned that I’m just wasting time.

Either I’m working too hard but not in the right field, or I’m enjoying myself, doing what I’m interested, but setting myself back. No matter what I choose I’ll be affecting my life drastically and I’m just not ready for that type of ripple effect. I can’t handle these life changing decisions at 20. I need another year…

I need some perspective.