My life is a Disney Movie...

Have you ever dreamed of putting yourself in a predicament that hurts you physically and/or emotionally?

Of totally screwing yourself over and doing something clearly idiotic, with the only reason behind it being to feel.

I have, plenty of times. I come up with these crazy story lines of being some tragic victim. Then towards the end I come out a fighter. I confront my fears, I speak my mind. I become this extremely confident person who doesn’t let anyone get in their way. I dream of getting beaten, humiliated, insulted into action…into some sort of response. For some reason I’ve come to the conclusion that the only way things can get better are if they get drastically worse.

It may sound sick but sometimes I envy the people that have had a hard time. They learn to get up a lot faster than I do. They pick up the slack a lot sooner and before you know it, they’re progressing. From very young it’s understood that things won’t be easy but there’s definitely a way to make things happen. I on the other hand kind of hover.

I stick to the usual, what’s comfortable, and hope to one day gather enough courage to make the move. But at this rate it’s not going to happen, because I keep waiting for the perfect timing. The moment where a light bulb goes on and I get the hint that I must react…right then and there….that second.