Negativity

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All the ignorance and negativity that I’m constantly surrounded by, is what slowly makes me bitter and angry. It amazes me how inconsiderate, blind, and irresponsible some people can be. There really is no limit to their craziness. You can’t have a rational discussion with them because they deny everything, or make it seem like it’s lesser deal then it actually is. It’s absolutely ridiculous.

I really need to cut this crap out of my life. I can’t function like this anymore.

Be Honest

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On my way home I saw something that made me pretty uncomfortable. I saw a gay couple, one of the men was older probably in his 50’s, and the other was younger in his late 30’s maybe. The older man had his arm around the other and was caressing his shoulder and whispering into his ear. This would be completely fine, and pretty sweet if the younger man didn’t look so…creeped out. He seemed as if he didn’t want to be touched at all. His head was down for most of the time, and he kept his hands to himself. Whenever the older man pulled him closer, he tried to inch away from him…

After a while I noticed the older man was a bit intoxicated, but I would assume his partner would want to atleast speak to him. But he didn’t say a word. The entire ride (manhattan to queens) he never once responded to the old man. And it wasn’t that he (younger man) was angry, he just looked afraid to say anything. It was very clear he wasn’t interested in the old man’s affection…which made me think why didn’t he say anything?

If I don’t want you touching me, whether you’re my bf or not, I’m going to tell you to stop. Why let it go on for as long as it did?

Anyways, I was sitting across from them, so I couldn’t help but notice there was something off about that entire situation.

My Space

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For quite some time now, I’ve wanted to move out and get a place of my own. For financial and personal reasons, I haven’t been able to. To most people who ask me, I say I want to move out because I’ll get to do what I want when I want. However, I’ll probably just continue doing what I do now. What I’m really interested in, is having a place of my own.

I want to have a place that screamsmein absolutely every single detail. The way appliances are organized in the kitchen, color schemes, artwork on the walls, the scent of the candles set up on my coffee tables, the lighting…

I would like people to walk into my place, and without a doubt know they have enteredmyhome.

Sure I can try to set up my room in that way, it is after all only my room. But it’s not the same. I didn’t choose this room, I didn’t look at it and think “this fits all my necessities, I’LL TAKE IT!” No, this room was given to me, and I had absolutely no say.

What I want is a place that is my own…I chose it, I pay rent, I decorated it, I made it mine.

I’m still hopeful I’ll get this opportunity…soon.

Don't Skip A Thing

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When people tell me stories, they often skip details in order to tell it faster. If the story is particularly long, they will say it quickly to get to the ending faster. It’s such a shame.

How can I appreciate the story if I can’t savor all the beautiful details in between? I want to know what the people were wearing, their facial expressions, what sounds they were hearing…tell me what it reminded you of so I can have a clearer picture of the situation. I want you to connect the person’s response to a previous event so I have some history to go along with the story. I want to be able to see the story like it’s a movie in my mind.

Don’t give me the opportunity to ask any questions, think ahead and provide all the details I’ll need, and then some. And finally say it slowly and calmly, use different tones, raise and lower your voice when necessary….

Always tell a story like you’re telling it to a child. It’s the only way to make it worth while.

Give yourselves credit

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Our accomplishments are valuable despite how many other people have achieved the same thing. No matter how simple and common your accomplishment may seem, I can almost guarantee you there is someone in this world that wasn’t able to, and won’t ever be able to get to that point. I think its fantastic to always want to do better, and be better, but let’s not fall into the trap of thinking of ourselves as average unless we do something grand and rare.

How many of us thought graduating HS was no big deal? Well look up how many kids drop out and give yourself a pat on the back. Accomplishments seems to lose their luster when thought of in retrospect, especially if most people you know have done the same thing. But man a lot of what we do is a big deal and should always be seen that way. You’re a work in progress, keep striving for that ultimate goal, but give yourself credit for the little things you do along the way.

Future

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When you commit to someone it should be done purposefully/strategically. We all choose our mates to some extent by the amount of joy they bring to our lives, the attraction we have for them, and the little things that make them stand out. But if at the end of the day a future with them isn’t possible, if you can’t picture yourself being with them 10 years from now, then why invest your time and energy in a relationship with them? It seems awful to me, to be in a relationship that has a very clear expiration date.

We don’t know what the future holds, and the routines we are used to now, can change drastically in a matter of days. But if right now you disagree with your partner on something neither of you is willing to compromise on (like having children), then why continue….why set yourself up for a let down, why waste each others time?

I suppose their presence in your life can still serve purpose…but after a certain point, if you know what you need and want in life, and the person isn’t providing it, and their is a slim to no chance they will change their mind, it’s probably a good idea to look elsewhere.